Spirit-filled Relationships - Part 1

In our last study, we focused on Ephesians 5:18 and the imperativeness of being constantly, continuously, and clearly being filled with the Holy Spirit. The text flows from the indispensable experience of being filled with the Spirit to the indisputable evidence of that fullness. The evidence is most clearly demonstrated in all relationships that we are involved in and obligated to.

I. The Spirit-filled Wife – Eph. 5:21-24

A. The Two-fold Instructions for the Wives – Eph. 5:22-24, 33 

1. Submit to their husbands, as to the Lord – 5:22 – “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

Let me point out that Eph. 5:22 and following are an extension and application of the principle of submitting to one another as stated in verse 21. We know this from the grammar of the text. The command in verse 22, "Wives submit, or be subject to your husbands," has no verb in the original (The verb is all the way back in 5:15 – walk as wise). It reads, "Wives to your own husbands." Which means it is a continuation of verse 21. The flow of thought then from verse 18 to 22 would be: "Be filled with the Spirit ... submitting to each other out of reverence for Christ, wives to your own husbands as to the Lord." The significance of this is that the Christian family life is a work of God's Spirit. The submission of a wife to her husband and a husband's love to his wife (vv. 22-33), the obedience of children and their nurturing by parents (6:1-4), the obedience of servants and the forbearance of masters (6:5-9) all are expansions of the principle in 5:21: "submitting to each other in reverence to Christ." And this submission in verse 21 is a description of how people act when they are filled with the Holy Spirit (v. 18). Therefore, all Christian family life is a work of God's Spirit.

The word “submit” means to “arrange under”. Submission is an ethical theme that runs throughout the New Testament. It is to be the posture of all Christians because we are to follow the crucified Lord who emptied himself to become the servant of all. Submission is being bound to the “cross-ties” lifestyle like Jesus, who not only died on a literal cross, but lived a cross-embracing lifestyle of submission and service.

Paul says the motive of godly, loving submission is this: "as to the Lord" (v. 22). Wives submit to their husbands because they want to glorify Christ (cf. 5:21; 6:8-9). The godly wife sees this duty as part of her Christian discipleship. The motive is not to fulfill some societal role or cultural expectation. The motive is love for Christ and a desire to be conformed to His image.

Paul speaks of marriages as a picture of Christ's love for the church in verses 23-24, and carries it into verses 25-32. Paul shows us that marriage displays the gospel. In verse 32 Paul says this picture is "profound." It is awesome. In creation God had Christ and the church in mind. Let’s look at three applications of this picture.

1a. The Biblical Picture of Marriage. Wives give a picture of the church to the world (v. 24). Husbands give a picture of Christ to the world (v. 23). Christ is the head, as noted in 1:22. But look what kind of head He is. Dropping down into 5:25-27, we see the five actions of King Jesus’ headship: He loved the church (5:25); He gave Himself up for her (v. 25); He sanctified her (v. 26); He cleansed her (v. 26); He presented her (v. 27); and He "provides and cares for" the church (v. 29).

2a. The Spiritual Purpose of Marriage. Pastor John Piper sets forth the ultimate purpose in marriage as he writes, “You have to get your priorities right. Marriage is to be lived for the glory of God. That little word “for” means there’s a priority to God. God is ultimate. Marriage is not ultimate.

“In Mark 12:18–27 and Matthew 22:23–33, the Sadducees want to know which husband a woman would have in heaven, when she was widowed and remarried. They thought they had him tricked - polygamy in heaven. And Jesus said, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.”

“This means your marriage is temporary and it’s over. That’s very sobering. God is supreme and ultimate and eternal. Marriage is for a season.

“Marriage exists to magnify the truth and worth and beauty and greatness of God. Marriage exists to make God look good. That’s why marriage exists: to magnify God.”

Sweeping over Eph. 5:21-33, you’ll see that everything in these verses points us to Christ: "as to the Lord" (v. 22); "as Christ loved the church" (v. 25); "as Christ does for the church" (v. 29). Everything comes back to Christ.

3a. The Potential Prospect of Marriage. Christ died for his Bride, the Church, which displayed her sinfulness and His saving grace. The biggest problem in marriage is sin. The ultimate solution is the grace of Jesus. Because marriage is not merely a social convention but is rooted in the lordship of Christ, who is gracious, you have great hope in marriage! Marriage is intended to point us to our Redeemer.

2. Respecting her husband, as her head – 5:33b, “…and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

I think the translator of 5:33 in the Amplified Bible must have been a little chauvinistic as he translated verse 33: “However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].

II. The Spirit-filled Husband – Eph. 5:25-33

A. Husbands are to Love Their Wives with a Sacrificial Love - 5:25.

Christ-like love is “cross-shaped.” Christ's sacrificial love is a foot-washing love. His headship is our model. He came to serve, though He was the head.

Notice the order of the flow of thought, beginning at verse 25, it starts with love. Love moves Christ to give himself. Moving on to verse 26, this self-giving results in a sanctifying power and a cleansing effect. Streaming on down to verse 27, and the effect of that is to get rid of spots and wrinkles in this bride and make her beautiful and glorious. Love, self-giving, sanctifying cleansing, and beautification.

The point being that love proceeds the beautification. In other words, Christ did not choose a wife the way we men choose wives. He did not look for an attractive woman, or an intelligent woman, or even a faithful woman. He chose an unlikely woman. When he did that, he set out to make her attractive, and to make her wise, and to make her faithful at the cost of his own life.

B. Husbands are to Love Their Wives with a Sanctifying Love - 5:26-27.

Paul says, "Cleansing her with the washing of water by the word" (v. 26). Christ's cleansing happens by two agents: water and word. I take the water to refer to the burial and bathing aspects of water baptism. I take "the word" as the word of the gospel (see Eph 6:17). The word of the gospel is how we receive spiritual cleansing. Christ cleanses His bride spiritually, and He does this through the word of the gospel (John 15:3; 17:17).

C. Husbands are to Love Their Wives with a Satisfying Love – 5:28-31

After speaking of redemption as the pattern of love, Paul now refers to creation. He says husbands should love their wives "as their own bodies" (v. 28). The husband should provide, nourish, and care for his bride, just as he cares for himself (v. 29). Paul puts Genesis 2:24 underneath this directive, reminding the husband that the two have become "one flesh" (v. 30).

This command for satisfying love may sound self-serving for the husbands or demeaning to the wives, but that is not the case. It makes sense because the two have become one flesh. Just as you long to satisfy your own needs, husbands, satisfy your wife's needs. Just as you long for intimacy, joy, security, health, peace, companionship, and community, provide them for your bride also.

In conclusion, may I remind you that marriage is not a rite, or an institution, but an exclusive commitment of one man to one woman. Each day of Christian marriage should be an anticipation of that moment when all the redeemed of God will walk down the aisle to the Bridegroom – King Jesus. It is also the anticipation of that moment when we will enjoy the most profound, the most intimate, the most exhilarating, the most ultimately satisfying relationships. Our union with God will solidify our relationships with one another. Truly male and female will be one flesh again.

Remember, nothing gets worse in heaven! The best is always ahead for the Bride of Christ!

Have you been married to Christ?