Life in the Family of God

1 Timothy 5:1-16 provides specific instructions regarding the treatment of various groups within the Family of God, i.e., the church, emphasizing the roles and responsibilities of both individuals and the community of faith. This passage is part of Paul’s letter to his young disciple Timothy, who was overseeing the church in Ephesus. In Chapter 5, Paul addresses how to interact with older and younger individuals, the treatment of widows, and the qualifications of elders and deacons. The passage presents principles of Christian conduct within the Household of faith, particularly regarding honor, monetary support, and personal and moral accountability.

In Charles Schulz cartoon strip ‘Peanuts’, Lucy says to the dog, Snoopy: “There are times when you really bug me, but I must admit there are also other times when I feel like giving you a big hug.” Snoopy replies: “That’s the way I am…huggable and buggable.”  I think it’s fair to say most of us would fall into that category and living in the Family of God – the Church – doesn’t automatically makes us more huggable than buggable.

In 5:1-16, we are going to consider three groups in the Family of faith:

1. The Spiritual Members of the Family and How They Should be Treated – 5:1-2

The Christian community is described by many metaphors. We’re compared to soldiers in the army of the Lord, limbs in the Body of Christ, competitors in the race, servants in the household, living stones in the Temple of God, branches in the vine, etc. But the most frequent is that of being members of the family of God. True Christians are those who have been born from above into this huge and continually enlarging Family by the work of the Spirit of God, through the gospel of God, proclaimed through the members of the Family of God. Every real Christian is a child of the Father and is consequently intimately related to all the other children. That fact - not just fancy, or figure, but fact - should govern our behavior towards all our Family members in Christ.

Paul begins with brief, but important instructions on how Timothy should treat older members of the congregation. One translation reads: “Don’t be harsh or verbally abusive to an older man; it is better to appeal to him as a father. And as you minister to the younger men it is best to encourage them as your dear brothers. Honor the older women as mothers, and the younger women, treat as your dear sisters with utmost purity.” 

This is not the normal word for “rebuke” in the New Testament. In fact, this is the only place this word is used, and it means literally “to strike at.” The command was not that Timothy must never rebuke older men, but that he was not to strike at people with an overly harsh rebuke.

In these verses, Paul emphasizes respect and kindness toward others within the church. First, he tells Timothy not to rebuke older men harshly, which implies that correction should be done with gentleness and respect. The admonition to "exhort him as if he were your father" reflects the cultural importance of honoring one’s elders, a principle that is rooted in both the Jewish and Greco-Roman worlds.

Similarly, Timothy is instructed to treat younger men as brothers and older women as mothers. This family language emphasizes the idea of the church as a family, bound together by mutual care and love. The treatment of younger women as sisters, with "absolute purity," underscores the need for moral integrity and propriety in relationships, especially in a context where sexual immorality was a common issue in the surrounding culture.

2. The Suffering Members of the Family and How We Should Help Them -5:3-8,16

Paul devotes 14 verses to the issues of widows in the church and how to treat them.

Before unpacking this pericope of scriptures, let me remind you of some modern-day facts. There are 11.8 million widows in the U.S. and approximately 2,800 new widows are joining these ranks every day. The average age of widowhood in the U.S. is 59. There are approximately 3.7 million widowers. This 3 to 1 ratio of widows to widowers makes it much more difficult for a widow to find another husband. It becomes like looking for a parking space – all the good ones are taken and all that’s left are handicap places!

There are more than 258 million widows around the world. Widows, for the most part, in many countries, have historically been left unseen, unsupported, and unmeasured in our societies.

In many countries, widows do not have equal inheritance rights, and they may be stripped of their land, evicted from their home, or even separated from their children. They may be denied access to inheritance, bank accounts, and credit, which can have significant financial impacts for them, their children, and future generations. It is estimated that nearly one in ten widows worldwide lives in extreme poverty.

The first problem the New Testament Church faced was also a modern one: A group of church members was neglected by the ministering staff (Act 6:1, “Now in these days when the disciples were increasing in number, a complaint by the Hellenists arose against the Hebrews because their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution.” ). This remains an issue in many churches today. Warren Wiersbe said that he once heard a certain pastor described as “a man who is invisible during the week and incomprehensible on Sunday.” Again, somebody in his congregation was feeling neglected.

Honoring True Widows - 5:3-4 - In verse 3, Paul writes: “Honor widows who are truly widows.” The term "honor" in this context refers not only to showing respect but also to providing financial support and care. (We get our word “honorarium” from this same root, which involves a monetary gift.)

Our society is very different from the first-century world in which the Church began. Older people relied on their families to care for them; there were no social programs to assist them. Widowed women were required to rely on their sons or other male relatives for support. A woman on her own had few ways to support herself besides selling herself into slavery or becoming a prostitute.

God’s special care for the widows is a recurring theme in Scripture:

Exodus 22:22-24, “You shall not mistreat any widow or fatherless child. If you do mistreat them, and they cry out to me, I will surely hear their cry, and my wrath will burn, and I will kill you with the sword, and your wives shall become widows and your children fatherless.” 

Deuteronomy 14:29, “And the Levite, because he has no portion or inheritance with you, and the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, who are within your towns, shall come and eat and be filled, that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands that you do.” 

Rulers in Israel were enjoined to support the widows who had no family to care for them. The local synagogues became their arm in assuring the support of these women. The first Christians in Jerusalem, organized along similar lines, undertook the same responsibility in their communities. In the Epistle of James we see how important this was in the apostolic Church: “Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world” (James 1:27).

It was obvious and only right that the local church would show compassion to these women who were in need.

The second part of verse 4 reads: “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.”

However, the church must be careful not to waste its resources on people who really are not in need. Whether we like to admit it or not, there are individuals and entire families that “milk” local churches, while they themselves refuse to work or to use their own resources wisely. As long as they can get handouts from the church, why bother to go to work?

The church could not care for all the widows in the city, but it should care for believers who are a part of the fellowship. We should “as we have opportunity, do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith”(Gals. 6:10). A widow the church helps financially should not be a self-indulgent person, seeking pleasure, but a godly woman who hopes in God and has a ministry of intercession and prayer.

This verse emphasizes the responsibility of a widow’s family members, particularly children and grandchildren, to care for her before the church takes on the role of support. Paul acknowledges the importance of family care, noting that it pleases God when relatives show love and responsibility for their own.

Providing for Widows - 5:7-8 - Paul goes on to say in verses 7-8 that the church should not be negligent in ensuring that widows are provided for: “Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach. But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” This statement reflects the seriousness of failing to provide for family members, particularly those in need. In the context of the early church, where there was a strong sense of community and mutual support, failing to care for one’s relatives was viewed as a grave offense. The lack of care for one’s own household could be seen as a denial of the Christian faith itself. This reinforces the idea that Christian love is not merely a theoretical doctrine but a practical, active expression.

Determining Which Widows are To Receive Help – 5:11-15, “But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. For some have already strayed after Satan.”

The implication of this passage is that the Ephesian church had committed itself to support some younger widows who, because of their age, idleness, and the Ephesian heresy (no marriage, no meat-asceticism), had turned against Christ and the church, were leaving the Christian faith, and were bringing reproach upon the church. In fact, the situation was so extreme that Paul describes it as death and a going after Satan. Paul is saying that if you don’t provide financially for your family - not luxury, but for their needs - you are behaving worse than unbelievers. The problem had to be corrected immediately.

Paul's primary concern in this passage is to help Timothy distinguish between widows whom the church should support and those whom it should not. A serious problem had developed in the Ephesian church because widows had been enrolled who should not have been. Because of their idleness and the persuasiveness of the false teachers, they were turning against Christ and the church. On the other hand, the church's resources were stretched to the point that it was not able to care for those who truly needed and deserved financial help.

These types of young widows were causing problems in the church at Ephesus. They were self-indulgent, self-centered, physically alive but spiritually dead. They were turning against Christ, probably marrying outside the faith, and abandoning Christianity altogether. They were studying to be professional idlers, gossips, and busybodies. It is probable that many had been won over to the Ephesian heresy and were spreading it from house to house. Paul's response to this group is that they remarry, care for their own homes, and not bring reproach upon the church. They were probably eligible for some financial help from the church, but the church was not supposed to obligate itself for the long term.

3. The Specialist Members of the Family and How They Should be Chosen – 5:9-10

The focus in verses 3-8 has been on the financial maintenance of widows, which in the first instance is the duty of their relatives and only becomes the duty of the church if the widow has no relatives. This concern does not recur in this paragraph, except as a kind of appendix in verse 16. Instead, this paragraph introduces new concerns. We read now of a “list', 'enrollment' or 'register” of widows (9a, 11), of a quite different set of qualifications (9b, 10), of a "pledge to remain single (12), apparently in order to give themselves to service, and of the non-eligibility of younger widows' (11-15). From this it seems that the register is not for widows needing support, but for widows capable of offering service.

Although there may not have been an "order” of widows in Paul's time, there certainly was a “register" of them, and he lists the three qualifications for registration, namely seniority, married fidelity, and good works. The first concerned the widow's age. No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty (9a) and is therefore unlikely to wish to re-marry. Secondly, she must have been faithful to her husband (9b) "the husband of but one wife” (3:2). This cannot mean that she has not re-married, since in verse 14 Paul counsels the younger widows to re-marry, but rather that she has been faithful.

Evidently in the early Church there was a special Order of Widows recruited for specialist service. When a woman comes to widowhood, she sometimes feels that the bottom has dropped out of life; now that her loved one has gone, she might herself just as well go; it was no longer worth living. To a widow in such a frame of mind, if she were a Christian, one of the Family, it would come, after her grief was a little assuaged, as a glad surprise to learn her life henceforth need not be the useless thing she had surmised, that the conditions being fulfilled, she might join this order, and devote herself to some social ministry; her remaining years might, after all, be not only pleasurable to herself, but profitable to others. How happily and hopefully, she would take up life again, and spend a fresh for good, and for God. Bishop Timothy would know all about this order, and doubtless would be grateful to have Paul’s guidance regarding it.

The order of widows was part of the Syrian Church for several centuries. The chief work of widows in this order was to pray for the Church, particularly for their benefactors. In some places these widows visited the sick or engaged in the instruction of younger women. In other places, however, according to the third-century book of Church order called the Didaskalia, “there are some indeed who profess themselves widows, but do not works worthy of their name” (iii, 10).

John Chrysostom, bishop of Constantinople, and considered by many the greatest preacher in the eastern church in the late 300s and early 400s, explained 1 Timothy 5:10 not so much as setting forth the qualification for the rank of widow, but setting forth the work they were called to do - bring up children (orphans, probably), lodge strangers, wash the saints feet, relieve the afflicted: “He exhorts them to contribute bodily service, for women are peculiarly fitted for such attendance, for making the bed of the sick, and composing them to rest.” In any case, by the fourth century the order of widows declined while another women’s order thrived: the order of deaconesses.

John R.W. Stott sums up two lasting principles of social welfare which emerge from Paul’s instructions.

The first is the principle of discrimination. There was to be no general handout to all widows, irrespective of their circumstances. Widowhood was not in itself a qualification for support by the church. No, the church's welfare provisions are to be limited to those in genuine need. If there are any alternative means of support, they should be used. In particular, the first call is on the widow's family. All of us must accept responsibility for our own relatives. The church's sense of social responsibility is not to encourage irresponsibility in others. And government welfare programs should supplement but not replace either individual or family obligations.

Secondly, there is the principle of dignity. It is very interesting to note the two distinct categories of widow Paul mentions, the one needing support and the according to their need and to give according to their ability, that is, both to be served and to serve others. Although we have considered them separately, they must have overlapped. Indeed ideally, health and strength permitting, the supported and the serving widows should be the same people. Widows (together with others in similar circumstances like single mothers, abused and divorced women) should have the opportunity both to receive according to their need and to give according to their ability, that is, both to be served and to serve.

Believers are to be zealous for good deeds (Titus 2:14). We don’t live to serve ourselves, whether we’re 20 or 80. We live to serve Jesus Christ and to lay down our selfish interests for the sake of those for whom Christ died. We are deliberately to reject the cult of self-fulfillment, and “through love serve one another” (Gal. 5:13), not just in “spiritual” ways, but ministering to the total person.

Amy Carmichael, the missionary to India, was criticized for becoming too involved in humanitarian efforts because she sought to rescue little girls from being sold as temple prostitutes. She retorted, “One cannot save and then pitchfork souls into heaven.... Souls are more or less securely fastened to bodies ... and as you cannot get the souls out and deal with them separately, you have to take them both together.” So, as a church and as individuals, we must be involved in practical good deeds that minister to the total person. We must minister wisely. We are not to support someone who is living for pleasure. The church must not take on responsibilities that God has assigned to families. If people are able to work but refuse to do so, Paul was clear: they shouldn’t eat (2 Thess. 3:10)! Each one must bear his own load (Gal. 6:5). But neither can we, as the church, turn our backs on the truly needy, especially on elderly widows. God cares for the widow who trusts in Him. So must we!